A very brief report from Barton Peveril this time but you will be delighted to know that College continues to thrive. We have broken the 3000 mark for 16-18 year

students in the College and have, for the first time in the 60 year history of the building, opened new science facilities! Scientists will now study in gloriously spacious

and airy surroundings of glass and steel, providing pedestrians on Tennyson Road or those sipping lattes in the cafeteria with a view of science in action ! I will make

sure we open up the facilities to you for the reunion and AGM in May 2016.  Last week, at our open evening we achieved the distinction of having brought the traffic

to a standstill on both the M3 and the M27 as cars queued back from the college gates. At one point the police closed the college entrance to force cars to drive on

past until the backlog had gone. One of my colleagues dryly remarked, “but it doesn’t take much to block the M27!”   The Government continues to have it in for

public services and sixth form colleges in particular. We have suffered a real terms cut of a third since 2008 and there are dire warnings of another 10% over the

next 5 years. Our size, popularity, and quality of our teaching have kept us going so far, but it is impossible not to think that the quality of the student experience will not

be affected by a further 10% drop in income. Do please lobby your MP and tell her/him what a wonderful job the sixth form college does and ask them to protect its

funding in the same way they have protected that of 0-16 education.

We are looking forward to meeting a group of Old Bartonian leavers from 1977 in November and I hope this will help increase the links between the College

and its alumni.

With best wishes from staff and students at Barton Peveril. Jonathan Prest, Principal, BP College.

John Barry Dave Hendley Vernon Dover Victor Holloway Rod Dale Murray Hawkesworth John Bowles (vc)

Bobby Owens Chris Reynolds Roy Gibson (Captain) Peter Harris (vc) Robin Simmons

That is perhaps an odd title for the readership of this newsletter but although I well know what the answer is now, I didn’t know it when I was a kid when the question was fairly important.

I can’t remember anyone ever telling me why one really had to go to school. It seemed to be a rite of passage. It was something one had to succeed at; I knew that at least but no-one said why. My parents encouraged me to do well, but again said not why. They were children of the early 1900s, with minimal secondary education, but who had done well nonetheless. My brothers all left school early to travel around the world with the armed forces. It seemed that life just happened.

I went to some 10 or so schools, but I hastily add that’s not because I was frequently expelled; my father was an officer in the Army and the family moved every couple of years to a new posting. So it was back and forth to schools in England, Germany, Cyprus, including four Grammar schools in my 1^st year, before settling down at Barton Peveril. I suppose I came out relatively unscathed but with no language skills from my time abroad (a lost opportunity) but a very broad view of the world and foreigners in general.

I arrived at Barton Peveril just before the exams in the first year. I was the new boy, no local history (I was a northern kid too, as well as having been abroad since age 5) nor any long-term friends in England, and soon discovered I had studied a different curriculum to that being examined. I somehow scraped through the exams and then enjoyed a grand summer cycling around Hedge End (BCM – Before Construction of the Motorway). The prospect of staying in one place for ever (Dad was no longer in the services and this was his first, if only, house actually owned) was quite strange. Time to put down roots, though I did not know it at the time.

I thus really began my time at Barton Peveril in the 2^nd year. It took a few years to realise there were threads in one’s school life, which to my simple understanding was a choice of either a science path or what is now called Humanities. I was not that good at foreign languages, nor of our own for that matter, but I knew my sums. When choices had to be made in the later years it was all the maths and science subjects with my lighter relief being taken in music, skipping the odd lesson to be taught by the peripatetic tutor. I enjoyed all of this, as I seemed to have some skill in the logic of applied mathematics and did not have to suffer the memory tests that seemed to be part of history and foreign grammar. Just as well, for I had no interest in that type of subject.

I still didn’t know what education was for. I suppose that I just plodded along through much of my school time, content to enjoy the logic of maths and physics with the occasional swim in the pool. I played in the orchestra, a bit of hockey (not nearly as good as John Barron), some tennis and generally bumbled along. There was talk of university in the future, but of nothing specific. Many of my fellow pupils said that was where they would go, but there was no history of attending in my wider family so I had little understanding of it.

The intrusion into this idyll was a challenge from my father. What was I to do when I left school? I really had no idea, as the topic had never come up before. I was still a few years away from finishing my schooling so I was happy. Mum talked of banking and law, but I really didn’t know what that meant either. My four older brothers were in the armed forces and having a great time, my father was ex-Army, there was an advertisement in that day’s newspaper; so the choice was made.

Perhaps I simplify the process a little. The advertisement was of some interest and more knowledge led eventually to me applying for a scholarship to join the Royal Navy. This seemed a good way ahead as I was already at an age when all my brothers had left home and were earning their keep; my pocket money, paper-round and working in the local tobacconist did not produce anything in the same league. This two-year scholarship therefore seemed a good option. I applied for it and interviews and medicals in London were successful and the government then paid a small bribe to my father to keep me at school through the 6^th form. This meant I had some focus now to my studies as I was obliged to achieve my 3 A-levels before I could realise this new ambition to join the Royal Navy. I still did not know what the education was for, however, as it seemed I just had to pass these hurdles to see the big wide world as a sailor.

Dartmouth was fun; sailing, camping out on Dartmoor, learning to fly, learning how to tie up battleships (we did have a very old tutor), and how to march carrying a sword without causing injury to oneself or others. It was strange at first for one without a public or boarding school background for it involved living in dormitories, doubling everywhere (that’s running around smartly), and a very regimented lifestyle. We could not eat supper until able to tie a bowtie, for example. New and interesting subjects too, with a keenness to learn, but with so many of them that it was good enough to achieve a fairly average pass mark and move on.

Then off to sea. I travelled much of the world, learning the trade of a naval officer. The term Midshipman is well-made for I was part of the Wardroom and expected to behave correctly, while generally accepted by the crew who were keen to show you the way things really were; a foot in each camp.

Now very much the young officer and gentleman, it was off to the RN Engineering College in Plymouth. Back to being a student, and with this degree there were no optional classes. One attended every lecture, including those on the Saturday mornings for the government had spent good money on you and you were not going to fail. Three years of mixing directed study with a good social life (it was there I met my wife) got me my degree in Electrical Engineering and I went on to apply it at the Submarine School. By this time I was well into being a professional student, passing exams well enough but again not really knowing what all this education was for.

The brick wall hit us at that Submarine School in Gosport. By this time I was a Lieutenant, recently married, and having a great social life with no real work responsibilities. We were learning all about torpedoes, sonar, radio, and how to get the submarine back to the surface. We had exams and we all thought we did well, marks of 80% and higher. Easy stuff this, and what are we doing tomorrow? Boom! The whole course failed; our leave was stopped. We were ripped apart by our tutor, also a Lieutenant, but one who had actually done a job at sea and thus senior to us. We were hurt and a little surprised.

He really did knock us out of our student-comfort-zone. He sharply informed us that life was not about passing exams, but knowing the subject well-enough to put it into practice. In our case this would be to ensure that the submarine did indeed get back to the surface; for knowing 80% of an emergency drill might not be enough. When nasty foreigners fired a torpedo at you and your sailors looked to you for the next order, there is no advantage in explaining you dozed through that rather boring lecture on the maths of evasion tactics. When your Captain asked you for advice on equipment in your charge, it is no good for your career prospects to mumble that you need to check it with your Chief Maintainer first. I could offer other examples of what was said, but I think you already know the theme of that dressing down.

Needless to say that after some midnight oil we all passed the repeat exams with top marks and living the student dream had gone. This change of emphasis stayed with me throughout my career. I had “got it”. There was suddenly a point to all this schooling. It could keep you alive; it should make life easier; you will not get on in your career just by plodding along at 40% knowledge; you may not keep your job if you were not up to it. In the naval context the first one struck home quite severely. The submarine Artemis had sank alongside the pier at Gosport a couple of years before. Although it did so because of an earlier crew error no lives were lost because those still on board knew exactly what to do.

Luckily I retained an interest in maths and science so learning to control nuclear reactors and then nuclear missiles was relatively easy once you put in the hours of study. The logic of computer programming stuck easier with midnight oil and helped me run some of the RN’s missile programmes later on. If only someone had told me it would have been even easier if one paid attention all those years previously.

I had plodded through school by achieving the pass-marks at the right time, sometimes passing very well when the subject interested me, scraping through when it didn’t. I got there, but oh how I wish that someone in that school had pointed out how life could be so much easier. If you knew your subject well you would be trusted to look after things, to “get on”. Then would come promotion and, with more experience and showing that you knew your subject, more responsibility and goodness me, more money.

If I didn’t join the RN, I would have gone to university and become an engineer or on to music as a career. I would probably have enjoyed either route, but I feel I would not have succeeded particularly well as I don’t think Universities or music colleges would have pointed out on the hard facts of life the same way that a certain Lieutenant did all those years ago.

I didn’t make it to Admiral. The pay (and certainly the pension) would have been good but I don’t regret not rising to that level. I have seen their grey hairs and, because some of today’s Admirals were once students of mine, I know it was not for me. Instead I became one of the Navy’s rocket engineers (like a rocket scientist, but underwater). I took gratification in having my opinion sought by peers and seniors and knowing I could do my job well in any circumstances. I had a good career, and then went on to another in a defence-related industry; getting a good job there on the basis of what I brought from my first one.

So what was that education for ? It allowed me to know what I was talking about, to influence others, to be a useful part of an important team. A struggle to get to that position but relatively easy to stay on top once you knew the tricks and tools to keep learning. Barton Peveril was part of that; I just wish someone there had pointed out the link earlier……..

Geoff Chadwick

MURPHY'S LESSER KNOWN LAWS

1.   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2.   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3.   He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4.   A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5.   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6.   Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7.   Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8.   The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9.   If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

10. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

12. Torch: A case for holding dead batteries.

13. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury service.

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Three retirees, each with a small hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March Day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it ? “No”, the second man replied, “It’s Thursday”, and the third man shouted, “So am I. Let’s have a beer”.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to a junction with the traffic light showing Red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I’m sure we went through a red light“.

After a few more minutes, they came to another set of lights but again they sailed through against the Red light. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting more nervous at the next junction, sure enough, the light was Red and they went on through. She turned to the driver and said “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both”. Mildred turned to her and said, “OMG, am I driving ?”

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Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint in Harwich, Essex.  Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and says: “I can’t let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind.”

“Quattro is just the name of the car,” the driver replies disbelievingly. “Look at the papers; this car is designed to carry five persons”.

“You can’t pull that one on me. This is Tracey you’re talking to here”, she replies with a smile. “Quattro means four” You already have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So if I can’t let you on the ferry. It’s more than my job’s worth to let you all on”.

The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, “I’ve had enough of you. Call your supervisor over . I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”

“Sorry”, responds Tracey, “but Sharon is busy dealing with the two blokes in the Fiat Uno”.

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I wonder how many of the following sound familiar to you - it could be the perks of reaching 50, maybe 60 and heading towards 70...or even 80.

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.

4. People may phone you at 9pm and ask, did I wake you ?

5. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

6. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

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“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love of words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless”. Try some of the following……..

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When you have seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? Hes all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone, it’s just two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house with all dishes washed and put away.

Then second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she should do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw that things were better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed , hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second d ay h e didn’t see anything either, but the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has difficulty in climbing stairs !!

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My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory. I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but they gave me the axe.

After that I tried being a tailor, but wasn’t suited to it.. it was only a sew-sew job.

Then I tried being a chef, figuring that it would add a little spice, but I didn’t have the thyme.

I studied a long time to be a doctor, but didn’t have any patience.

Tried a shoe factory but didn’t fit in.

Tried a historian, but there was no future in it.

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An Englishman and an Irishman (I wonder why these two seem to figure in a lot of our humour) were in a baker’s shop enjoying viewing the large amount of cakes on display. The shop was busy so no one noticed the Englishman slide three currant buns into his pocket. “You’re a bit of a fool” said the Irishman, “you may well get caught for shop lifting”. “Now if you really want to enjoy three buns like that and NOT get caught, watch this”. It was now time for them to be served and the baker enquired, ”How can I help?”. The Irishman replied, “Well, said the Irishman, spare me a moment and I’ll show you a little magic”. “OK, fire away, said the baker” “First I will need to eat and enjoy three of your currant buns”. “Yes, carry on” said the baker”. Some five minutes or so later the buns had been eaten. “Right,” said the Irishman. “You must be intrigued to know how and from where I can produce your three buns”. “Indeed I am”, said the baker. “OK said the Irishman, “look in the side pocket of my friend” !……..

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Here are a few signs you may not have noticed………….

In a Podiatrist’s Office……….. “Time wounds all heels”

On a Plumber’s truck………… “We repair what your husband fixed”.

On another Plumber’s truck…. “Don’t sleep with a drip, Call your plumber.

On a Church’s billboard……… “7 days without God makes one weak”.

At a Tyre Story ……………… “Invite us to your next blow out”.

In a No Smoking area…………”If we see you smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

In a Vet’s waiting room………..”Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!.

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